In this blog post, you will be able to get the best Funny New Year’s Resolution Quotes 2024 along with New Year 2024 Funny Quotes. You can share these New Year 2024 Funny Quotes with your family and friends on the happy occasion of Happy New Year 2024. Also, you can update your Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and WhatsApp account with these Funny New Years’ Resolution Quotes. Have a look at these Funny New Year Resolution Quotes 2024.
30 Best Funny New Year’s Resolution Quotes 2024:
Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average… which means, you have met your New Year’s resolution.
Jay Leno
Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man. By Benjamin Franklin
May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions!
Joey Adams
New Year’s is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls and humbug resolutions.
~ Mark Twain ~
I wish you end up fighting less with your partner over TV remote this New Year!
Yesterday, everybody smoked his last cigar, took his last drink and swore his last oath. Today, we are a pious and exemplary community. Thirty days from now, we shall have cast our reformation to the winds and gone to cutting our ancient shortcomings considerably shorter than ever.
~ Mark Twain ~
May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions!
~ Joey Adams ~
From New Year’s on the outlook brightens; good humor lost in a mood of failure returns. I resolve to stop complaining.
~ Leonard Bernstein ~
New Year’s Day: Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.
Mark Twain
Many people look forward to the New Year for a new start on old habits.
Anonymous
Each age has deemed the new-born year
The fittest time for festal cheer.
Walter Scott
The only way to spend New Year’s Eve is either quietly with friends or in a brothel. Otherwise, when the evening ends and people pair off, someone is bound to be left in tears.
W.H. Auden
Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.
~ Oscar Wilde ~
Making resolutions is a cleansing ritual of self-assessment and repentance that demands personal honesty and, ultimately, reinforces humility. Breaking them is part of the cycle.
~ Eric Zorn ~
I made no resolutions for the New Year. The habit of making plans, of criticizing, sanctioning and molding my life, is too much of a daily event for me.
~ Anais Nin ~
New Year’s Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.
James Agate
People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas. Author Unknown
Eric Zorn
“Making resolutions is a cleansing ritual of self assessment and repentance that demands personal honesty and, ultimately, reinforces humility. Breaking them is part of the cycle.”
New Year’s Day … now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.
~ Mark Twain ~
Brooks Atkinson
“Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past. Let it go, for it was imperfect, and thank God that it can go.”
“My New Year’s resolution? I will be less laz.”— Jim Gaffigan
Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to. – Bill Vaughan
“It goes Christmas, New Year’s Eve, and Valentine’s Day. Is that fair to anyone who’s alone? If you didn’t get around to killing yourself on Christmas or New Year’s, boom, there’s Valentine’s Day for you. There should be a holiday after Valentine’s Day called ‘Are you still here?’”— Laura Kightlinger
I’m a little bit older, a little bit wiser, a little bit rounder, but still none the wiser.
~ Robert Paul ~
“This year my New Year’s resolution was to stop saying ‘Seacrest out!’ after I ejaculate.”— Zach Galifianakis
“May the New Year bring you courage to break your resolutions early! My own plan is to swear off every kind of virtue so that I triumph even when I fall!”— Aleister Crowley, “Moonchild”
“I wish I didn’t watch [Dick Clark] because New Year’s Eve is that one little time when you get to suspend the disbelief that next year is going to be crap. You forget about it! You look at the person next to you and kiss them and say “Happy New year!” and you have a moment of happiness. I don’t want to be reminded at that exact moment of my own mortality.”—John Bowman
“May the New Year bring you courage to break your resolutions early! My own plan is to swear off every kind of virtue, so that I triumph even when I fall!”— Aleister Crowley, “Moonchild”