Top 30 Best Funny New Year Quotes 2024

In this blog post, you will get the best Funny New Year Quotes 2024. New Year is the occasion of happiness, peace, and joy. People celebrate this occasion with full passion and enthusiasm and share Happy New Year Wishes and Happy New Year Messages to others. Many people love to share Funny Happy New Year Quotes and Sayings 2024 because humor relieves the stress of life. Humor is a most important part of human life it allows us to not take too much tension seriously. It helps us to enjoy life and shows us the wider picture of life in a funny way. It also connects us with others and develops courage in ourselves to start a New Year in a perfect and relaxing way. Below you will find the Funny New Year Quotes 2024 that will help you to start your New Year off smiling.

Top 30 Best Funny New Year Quotes 2024:

As the year draws to a close, happy revelers jam New York’s Times Square to watch the traditional dropping of the illuminated ball, while in Denver a mellower throng gathers to ring in the new year with the lighting of the 200-Foot Doobie.
– Dave Barry

Miami asks residents not to celebrate New Year by shooting into the air, because the bullets will come back down.
– Dave Barry


Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn’t it, of a long line of proven criminals?
– Ogden Nash

New Year Funny Quotes

Leonard Bernstein
“From New Year’s on the outlook brightens; good humor lost in a mood of failure returns. I resolve to stop complaining.”

Mark Twain
“New Year’s is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls and humbug resolutions.”

G. K. Chesterton
“The object of a New Year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul and a new nose; new feet, a new backbone, new ears, and new eyes. Unless a particular man made New Year resolutions, he would make no resolutions. Unless a man starts afresh about things, he will certainly do nothing effective. Unless a man starts on the strange assumption that he has never existed before, it is quite certain that he will never exist afterwards. Unless a man be born again, he shall by no means enter into the Kingdom of Heaven.”

Funny New Year Quotes

Brooks Atkinson
“Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past. Let it go, for it was imperfect, and thank God that it can go.”

“A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one Year and out the other.”

Bill Vaughan
“Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to.”

Mark Twain
“New Year’s Day now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.”

Robert Paul
“I’m a little bit older, a little bit wiser, a little bit rounder, but still none the wiser.”

Joey Adams
“May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions!”

Eric Zorn
“Making resolutions is a cleansing ritual of self-assessment and repentance that demands personal honesty and, ultimately, reinforces humility. Breaking them is part of the cycle.”

The only way to spend New Year’s Eve is either quietly with friends or in a brothel. Otherwise, when the evening ends and people pair off, someone is bound to be left in tears.
W.H. Auden

Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you’ve met your New Year’s resolution.
Jay Leno

Every New Year’s I have the same question: “How did I get home?”
– Melanie White

How you elect to spend New Year’s Eve will depend on your:
1. age
2. remaining levels of optimism
3. threshold of pain
– Joseph Connolly

New Year’s Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.
James Agate

I like New Years. The confetti covers up my dandruff.
– Melanie White

Heartwarming Miami tradition: Asking people not to shoot guns into the air on New Year’s Eve.
– Dave Barry

Life always gives you a second chance, its called Happy New Year.

My new years resolution is 1920 x 1080.

We will open the book, its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Years Day.

Women get a little more excited about New Years Eve than men do. It’s like an excuse: you drink too much, you make a lot of promises you’re not going to keep; the next morning as soon as you wake up you start breaking them. For men, we just call that a date.
– Jay Leno

New Year Funny Quotes

Every New Years I resolve to lose 20 pounds, and I do. The problem is that I gain 30.
– Melanie White

Charles Lamb
“New Year’s Day is every man’s birthday.”

Every year I make a resolution to Be Myself, but circumstances change me.

New Years Eve is the only acceptable time to wear body glitter without being mistaken for a stripper.

James Agate
“New Year’s Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.”

P. J. O’Rourke
“The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk.

This drunkenness culminates on New Year’s Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you’re married to.”

This Year I wish your neighbor does not ask you to babysit his tantrum-throwing daughter in weekends. Happy New Year!

Jay Leno
“Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average… which means, you have met your New Year’s resolution.”

Best Funny New Year Quotes

My new year’s resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey

Judith Christ
“Happiness is too many things these days for anyone to wish it on anyone lightly. So let’s just wish each other a bile-less New Year and leave it at that.”

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